Thunderstorms and Musings

I am sitting here in the near dark on this wonderful sunday evening as the wind stirs the plants about and sets the chimes to swinging. I think this is the third thunderstorm of the day, but only the second actual rain. The first was very calm and this one has come to make itself known with bright flashes of lightening and bold, rolling thunder. The air rushes through leaves and rain to create an almost oceanic experience. Coolness is seeping through the screen in the doors and windows as the curtains sway and billow. There is something to it, having these forceful, blustery times because it gently subdues my chaotic mind. The sound, coupled with smells and feeling, wash over me to offer a soothing and comforting blanket of reassurance. It is bigger than I. No matter my struggles, it will always be bigger. The tossing and turning that tends to overwhelm my day to day is drowned out in this exhibit of powerful presence and awe-inspiring movements of the nights own dream.

The storm seems to swirl around, as if it does not wish to leave. This give and take acts as in such a symbiotic way, it would be silly to try to imagine that it is not in some way perfected. Every drop from the clouds, every rumble of thunder, every flicker of lightening, timed to the exact moment of its arrival is just right. The cool breeze is heavenly after a warm summer day and the water that feeds our lively little garden makes me grateful. Grateful for things I do not fully understand, for knowing those things I cannot control and for being allowed an opportunity to experience peace, even if it is momentary. Though it seems that I might lack appreciation for these if they were ordinary and frequent, I am grateful to notice when things are calm and without conflict.

When I was young, I found so much tranquility in being in the rain, thunder or not. I would sing and the rain could hear me, whatever it might be on my heart. Perhaps I have learned to surrender my troubles when it rains and let them be washed away with everything else. All I know is this, whenever there is a good rain, I find it to be cleansing and that I am uplifted. I do not wish to question this gift, only accept its abundance when at all possible.

The bamboo chimes drift on the wind and beckon me to rest...good night all, for now and peace be unto all, wherever you may be.

Randomness, but that's not surprising :o)

My little girl will be 7 in just under 5 weeks. She is big as can be, smart as ever and growing ever so fast. She has lost her top two teeth on top, which can be rather amusing at times because it is harder for her to speak, but a cute reminder to me of how much older she really is. She is still into Irish Stepdancing and has 'graduated' into the longer class for kids 7 and up. She is doing quite well and I love to watch her dance. She has recently shown an interest in playing the violin, so we shall see if it turns into more than a fancy, but we are looking into what it would take to get her started to see how she likes it.

September will be a big month, between Kat's birthday, first confession, the Russian Firebird Festival and our 8th wedding anniversary and it all starts with Labor day weekend! We still aren't exactly sure when to have her birthday party because the first weekend is Labor day, the following weekend we have loads of church and we are making the lunch for after church on sunday in celebration of Kat's b-day and confession, the weekend following that it is the festival and then we are at the last weekend of the month and September is nearly over! We can always choose something during the week, since most of her friends are homeschoolers and could make it as it is, but there are a couple obstacles there too, with Jay being in school. We will figure it out, I suppose.

Katherine is so excited for everything to happen. Some time this month she will meet with Fr. Boris to discuss her upcoming first confession, which she has been waiting, literally, years to be able to do. Not because she was necessarily ready, but because she has watched Jay and I go for all this time and now she gets to have her turn, she is big enough. Private confession is of dispute to lots of people who do not practice this in their faiths and, apparently, so is having confession at a certain age. The Church, not to mention science, hold that a person, by the age of 7, is conscious of their actions and know right from wrong in one way or other. This is a good case for having confession, at the very least, around the age of 7, if at all. I know why frequent confession in some churches is not practiced, but in some respects, it seems it does a disservice to many, but mainly the children who would be preparing for this particular Mystery, or Sacrament. If the Mystery of confession stands up there with communion, ordination, marriage and so on, I am wondering why we partake so rarely of it and why it should not be cared for better, as well as, encouraged to have a child become watchful of their actions and words. In any case, it is a big deal in our house, as it was when I was small, it is a part of our church life, that is so important to us and we are, with God's help, trying to prepare Katherine for her life in the Church and a good relationship with her Spiritual Father. In some ways, we are now stepping aside for a huge milestone to come and watch while she begins her next stage in her journey as a Christian and I feel blessed to be able to do so. I will leave it at this, it has been said that obedience is more than prayer and fasting (both of which seem to be questionable in today's world as well), so long as a person is under the care of their spiritual father, whose sole purpose is guidance toward the attainment of salvation, then it is as it ought to be.

Well, that was longer than intended, and there certainly could have been more, but that will have to do... In other news, I am noticing that I feel the changing in the seasons, with the cooler nights and muggy days that smell more like fall than summer, but public schools in our neighborhood already went back yesterday, leaving the streets so quiet that Jay put the two together by lunchtime. This year will, hopefully, prove to be less of a bear than spring semester...for Jay, for me and for Katherine. Things were SO hectic and insane that I don't know how we ever made it through, but for the grace of God, thankfully. I do love fall, no matter how I enjoy the changing of cooler weather into the warmth of spring and summer, fall will always be my oldest and dearest reverie. I was thinking the other day about how, although fall is the time that is leading us into the death and cold of winter, it is also the time of the harvest, when we gather the crop which has been sown in spring and summer to prepare for the road ahead. We reap the fruits of the trees and the plants of the ground as we settle in for the chilly quiet of winter. I suppose, in my mind and heart, fall is the excitable and intentional arrangements made before the rest of winters solitude, which seems to escape me all to often.

Well, if I think of anything, I will pop on here, but that is it for now. We had better get the day going before it hops along without us in tow. Until then...Glory to God for all things!

Today is Tuesday

How much time do we have?
A minute, week, month, year or decade
One thing is for sure, it will be a lifetime

This lifetime is deceiving in its entirety
A minute, week, month, a year or many
All add up to the blink of an eye

A continuous strand of lives intertwining throughout
Minutes, weeks, months, several years
Breath us in and out into its flow

We are but a single movement in this ebbing tide
This minute, week, month, years and then some
Fade into this streaming lifeline without hesitation

In the eyes of a child, this lifetime is truly lengthy
Every minute, week, month and year
It's so far away, it drifts in and out without end

The older we get, we realize the truth of all of this time
These minutes, weeks, months and years
Have already passed, when we thought they'd never come

The dreams of growing up and starting a family are so distant
In the minutes, weeks, months and years
Until time bares the fullness of its secret

This life is just the dream and we will awake when this body is gone
After these minutes, weeks, months and years
But we will keep those things we have stored up into our hearts and souls

So, let us cherish dearly those people in our passing
Minutes, weeks, months and years
As if we might awake at any time

Archangel Gabriel Orthodox Church

I was glad that there would be services on saturdays for vespers, sunday liturgies and wednesday vespers as well. There was a quiet and peaceful way about the services, very fluid and calm. They share part of a building at the university and have a place that can be partitioned off to keep the altar separate from anything else the room might be used to do, so that nothing would be disturbed. I don't know how long they have been in that spot, but they are settled, so I can imagine a bit of time. Good enough place, but packed on sundays, as many churches are, leaving it feeling smaller than other days.

The parishioners are young and old, families and single people, longtime believers and some newer, much like any church. I cannot say precisely if I was expecting something, but I certainly came away with more than before I arrived a few weeks earlier. It was a valuable experience to understand that the beauty of a church building is nothing without devout faithful people to give it life. Perhaps as an idea, it has always lingered, but it is particularly evident in the way this church was very much alive and breathing in Christ.

"Then there arose a reasoning among them, which of them should be greatest. And Jesus, perceiving the thought of their heart, took a child, and set him by him, And said unto them, Whosoever shall receive this child in my name receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me receiveth him that sent me: FOR HE THAT IS LEAST AMONG YOU ALL, THE SAME SHALL BE GREAT." Luke 9:46-48. This is particularly valid in this instance, if you can imagine the church to be as the child, as a mission church often is still establishing its roots and growing up into a more mature and fuller existence. They are the children to whom He ministers and the least, whom He does not only not forget, He has made great, in their hearts where love in Christ grows. In the valley where this little church sits, it is not a high population, but it somehow manages to overlook this beautiful gem, though they surely benefit from the grace which saturates the people and their unity in faith. I am not sure if this makes much sense to the reader, but it is the best I could do at this time.

I had been out to visit in the fall when my second nephew was born and was fortunate enough to come back again recently with my whole family and got to be there with the nephews, sister and parents. If words could describe the entirety of all that has been gained by being welcomed into their humble and simple church, it would likely take up far more pages than my fingers could write, so if you are ever in the neighborhood of Ashland, Oregon, please stop in and check out Archangel Gabriel Orthodox Christian Church where, after the service on sundays, there is usually a coffee hour where people will eat, drink and talk. This is the link for the directions, if you are ever interested: http://www.archangelgabrielorthodoxchurch.org/contact.htm There is no time like the present, so if you live there, check it out sooner than later and if you are passing through, make it a point to stop in and say hello. Not everyone will get out of it what I have, that part is only for me, but I am sure there is something awaiting you there as well.

Much love in Christ!

First Light

The birds wake and call sweetly
They know the sun will come
Bringing the light and promise of a new day
The glass may appear half empty as the cold night lingers
While the warmth of day slowly pushes through the dark
The sky glows before the return of the sun
Rich and deep colors that do not stay long
The creeping rays of sun are crossing the previous eastward lands

Clipped in, I ride uphill to get the blood moving
The lungs begin their complaint
The morning is still very young and almost cold
But more beauty abounds than can even be counted
I crest the hill and level out for a bit
The sun is nearing the horizon as I come around a bend
I am listening to the Ashoken Farewell/The Contradiction
Which refuses to be changed for anything
I glance over toward the east and catch the suns first orange glimmer
Stopping, I sit on a curb, bike laid to the side

A person might think it would take awhile to watch the sun rise
On the contrary, it is rather efficient
The glow of the rounded, perfect fireball begins ascent
The small clouds pale in comparison
But the light of the sun shines on all
So the beams of light steal through the farthest touches of cloud
Just above the sunrise, a few clouds are illumined and silvery
The sun is coming, really and surely
Everything is aglow and each moment brings a new light to a sleepy land

All of Creation awaits this start of day
It will be a sad day if the birds lose their fervor
The suns rise would be so empty
But for now, the sky still welcomes the fading night
The birds all call to the coming day
The moon has waited to say good day to the sun
So when it has risen, I get up and ride along

Now I ride downhill with a nice view of the full moon
A few turns lead to a path behind homes
Up, down and around
Here comes the uphill as I shift gears to make the climb
Courage is not in beginning the upward climb
It is the faith that the top of the mountain will come
Pushing onward, the cold air bites in the shadows of the homes
Oh! To be back in the sunlight again!
Even the light seems to simply warm a little
Just as there appears to be very little chance of making it without walking
The sun breaks through in a very promising streak

Conquering the length of that hill is so invigorating
So incredibly purposeful
As the sun rises just a bit more
I ride out to the street nearby where I had watched the sunrise
As I turn toward home
I decide to turn back around for one more look
The all encompassing burst of light is so constant as it beckons
A little longer in the beauty and the warmth and then back home

I have been so consumed with the sunrise
I did not notice the cold on my skin
Nor the stiffness in my muscles and hands
As I approach the house, I think to myself
If anyone ever first learned to love
To laugh, smile, dream or pray
It was when they first welcomed the sun
In their heart and soul

Totally Random

So, I have seen the new movie, "Babies", it was a Mother's day outing with Katherine and it was just great. If we didn't already know just how much I love babies and want oodles of them, now I am wanting a little African baby. I am just saying that if there are any babies who need a home and someone knows of some sort of inexpensive way to land one in our lives, we would be SO ecstatic! Craziness, I am sure you are all thinking, but I would like to point out that just because adoption can be expensive, doesn't mean that having a baby around is too. Tough we have enough money, babies need love, NOT money and we have an abundance in this house. Jay said that I would have to start saving up, but it may take 20 years to save enough and, by then, any child that small could be my grandchild (not that I care one bit, but you know...) Maybe Sandra Bullock could send a tiny one my way, or Angelina Jolie, for that matter. *SIGHS* Ah well, God's will be done, but I think I will always feel this way...just a little. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would be the house mother of an orphanage if they even had those anymore, if I could. I just want to love and care for all of the unwanted (by someone else, NOT me, not EVER ME!) children and babies of the world. If I make it to 35 without anymore (bio) kids and not having the stork drop one off on our doorstep, I will surely reassess things, but I just may try to move mountains for another tiny one before I am 40!

Alright, I am done...for now. Hugs and love to everyone and make sure you hug your little loves a little tighter, just for me!

Markedly confusing notions and the peace that resides therein

The expanse within the heart of my soul
Sits in wait
Once, a dormant fellow
Now, impatiently child-like
...But wisely still kept

The stillness captures
Few, but brief
Quick, like breath
Moments of solemn peace and love
Stillness and sweet peace

Stillness is where the beginning
Does not end
Nor the end, begin
The mind cannot comprehend
Yet the expanse is filled without effort

It will seem, at times, to be both
Empty
and
Full
Eternally flowing within and without

The broad and gaping chasm lies
Within
the
Stillness
Looking as if to expect, but ever lying in wait

Perhaps what is not seen is simply
A fullness
A breadth
Of undiscovered Truth
An overlooked piece that has always been

What looks as if to be an open gap
A hole
A ditch
A barren land of naught
Is, in truth, to be the blessing and the stillness

Perhaps, the complementary partner
The black
to
The white
A balance which defies reason, yet forms a great foundation

As I sit to think, to wonder in awe
A struggle
and
A calm
Both approach and attempt to explain

There are no words for this stillness which creates
But it is full
it is rest
It just...is

As if to be a breeze, or water washing over smooth stone
A tranquility comes
To quiet
To comfort
To bring our hearts into the same oneness that flows

There we confront the whole where we have broken ourselves free
Or so we thought
But we wish to rejoin
We yearn for what we know of the piece that we have taken
When the inner voice calls us to unity and truth

It is knock, knock
Knocking
At the door of
My heart
My soul
It will only be silenced by the submission of myself

Submission and acceptance of the greater We
The lesser me
The all
Alpha and Omega
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
God