Reflection On Lent's Journey

Ever so lacking, yet still trudging onward. This Great Lent has challenged all I know up to this point. Words come from my lips that I ought to heed and still I tarry. We have been weathered in all ways we have struggled up to now, though the mercy is swift.

Nothing quite compares to Great Lent in the Orthodox faith. It is as though my life goes before my eyes yearly. I see how it could be, how it is, and how it might have been. Every twist and turn I am reminded of how my choices effect those around me, my struggle to keep on track with what I ought to be doing, and the byways I take in between. It appears my running theme in life is gratefulness, struggle with loved ones having illness, and becoming the fulness of myself in this entanglement that is life. Oh, that I could be all that I should, but my pitfalls regularly captivate my focus and so little time is truly devoted where it should.

I need to remember what a priest once told me, that I need to remember that caring for my husband and daughter is the work of God, in caring for the sick and being a good mom. I often find that I seek to help others and go outside of myself to fix and work with that which I need to conform in myself, but find that all I need is right here at home, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. My work may not always appear the way I want it to, but my lessons will come the way I will best understand them, no matter how I approach them.

Each year, just before the coming of the Resurrection, I am borne into the faith on forgiveness sunday, as though the preparatory weeks have been my gestation, and I grow bit by bit through this fleshy life, replete with ebbs and flows, trials and triumphs, crests and falls. What a blessing to live ones entire existence in a number of weeks, but also it is like a life crash course.

Life is about our love for one another, our ability to reach out, and the way we are able to realize that each of us is in need of great compassion and understanding. I am still learning, but I truly hope to bring much of this to fruition before God calls me from this life and into Eternity. Please, if I have ever treated anyone with less than Godly love and compassion, forgive me, my humanity is broken and bound to my Pride and numerous shortcomings.

Friendly Flowers

The first flowers of springtime have been blessing us with a cheerful, steady, delicate presence for a few weeks now. The daffodils and all their cousins have been popping out in turn, to shine their bright faces at all who have eyes to see. Such fragrant and lovely flowers have been a little light of beauty in these trudging days of Great Lent. A friend has mentioned that they have been called Lent Lilies, which makes me happy, because they are the flower of my birth month, which my birthday is always in Lent, but also because I really love lilies. Calla lilies, both purple (blue, in flower world, because none are classified purple, only shades of blue) and white, were the main flowers in our wedding and I adore star gazer easter lilies.

We were given some tulip bulbs in autumn and I planted them just outside of the window that is off of our little home sanctuary and they pushed through weeks ago, with their green shoots and sturdy leaves. Luna, the giant baby puppy dog, decided to taste the leaves when they first came up, but we put up a little fence to deter her curiosity and it seems to be helping. Though a few leaves are nipped, the stalked that emerged are so well developed and strong, you would never know anything had happen, but or the chew marks. I have watched the solid blooms form deliberately as they drink in the sun, awaiting just the right moment to fully show their color and shine the glory of their splendor on all creatures. I planted them in groups of five and each group had only one bloom that tested its blossom, before calling all the other flowers to ample foliage in the grey-blue sunlit days.

The pansies are their own set of merry show and delight, with large, happy faces, rich with velvety petals and blooms whose weight draws every passerby closer to their countenance. Though the bouquet is more subdued, they make up in color and vibrance anything they appear to lack in aroma. Always a pleasure to see which face will be shining back as they unravel their petals in swift arrangement and array of color.

I must say it is these simple joys that keep my heart settled as we come out of the cool weather and move toward Pascha. Soon enough we will find ourselves in so many blooms we will be unable to count the magnitude, so for now, it is quite sufficient to have wild and familiar blooms of first-spring blossoms.

Flickering and Fleeting Life

In the brightest of days, the flame of compunction is washed out by the presence of such light and can be lost to the flood of immensity. Alas, when the Sun wanes to give way to the evening of time, we see the flame grow brighter and begin to see that which it illumines. What was once shone in greatness dims into a flickering reverie with but a glimmer and thought of yesterday. The increase of evening brings a quiet calm that offers respite and reproach that calls the spirit home again. Coolness settles upon the hearth of the soul and a stark reflection peers back from the faded glass that rests above it. The constant, glowing, and triumphant flame that has been left unattended, draws the bearer ever near with a longing and devout heart, a weeping soul, and a stout resolve.

In the darkness of the night, our light is our beacon of hope, truth, and the Way we ought to go. Though each of ours may show a different path, they are all kindled from the great, Eternal and Ever-Living Light, in Whom is no change, nor shadow of variation (James 1:17). It is in this darkness that we stand before the Cross, varied flames alit in procession, we draw closer to the tree that bears all Creation as it moans in distress calling out to the Father of Lights. In suffering, there will be gain, but a relief and calming of the pains of suffering is most ardently sought after. Still before the approach of the magnificent and triumphant Dawn, though we cannot feel its warmth and splendor until we have made this journey through the night, we walk with hearts uplifted and eyes downcast, yearning for knowledge, not of Good and Evil, but that of Peace.

It is the fruit of a tree which tempts our fateful Ancestors into unwittingly choosing separation from God, and, likewise, a tree bearing no fruit and has given its own life to hang upon it His only-begotten Son, which reunites us. The fulfillment of all, sprung from the humility of One, generations in the making, though timeless to the Maker. A breath, even a wisp, is this fleeting life we flail about to grasp onto, and then it is gone from us, as our flame is either put out, or rejoined once again in Communion with our great Father of Light, Who illumines our path; the Son, Whose humanity adjoins Heaven and Earth; and the Holy Spirit, Whose omnipresence comforts all who flee to Him for refuge.

May our efforts as we struggle, through prayer, confession, humility, and alms-giving teach us to better tend the flame that we are entrusted. May we strive to keep the flame tended in others, who have grown weakened by the fight, with our prayer, love, and kindness. May our pitfalls be numbered, only to be outdone by our turning in humility to the giver of Life, with a longing to be set free of our self-made bonds and reunified with all Creation. May Peace find us more agreeable and able to accept the Truth of its great Mystery. May this great and Holy lent be fruitful, remembering that all in the orchard, vineyard, and gardens, needs attendance, regardless of ability and strength. Though the laborers be diverse, it is the endurance and steadfastness of the heart which will carry each of us to the harvest and we will reap what we have sown, or lack thereof, for ourselves, as well as others.

Peace be with you always and at this midpoint of the glorious fast wherein we will learn more of our character and secure a bit more of ourselves to our faith, while loosing the bonds we have woven for ourselves in this life.

A Moment and A Place

Long have I felt like I stand at the edge where dark becomes light and the water meets the sand, or mountains meets the sky. Though the distinction seems there from one into the next, I wonder whether we can discern them truly. We merely see the surface of what we are shown and rarely glimpse the depth and breadth of what surely lies within, and it leads us to ponder at this magnitude. As electricity has both intensity and consistency, so too does the experience of such a place, though not really a place, more a state. Ebb and flow, with perfect peacefulness and calm in the ineffable and diverse simplicity.

This is where I often stand as I wait to take in the next breath of it all.

Prayers by the Lake

Your birds awaken me in the morning, and the murmur of the lake lulls me to sleep in the evening. But it is not the birds that awaken me, nor the lake that lulls me to sleep, but You, O Lord, Master of the voice.

You lend Your voice to the birds and the midnight murmur to the lake. You have lent a voice to every throat, and have put a story into every creature. I am surrounded by Your heralds, as a student by many teachers, and I listen to them tirelessly from dawn until dusk.

O Lord, Master of the voice, speak more clearly through Your heralds!

The sun speaks to me about the radiance of Your countenance, and the stars about the harmony of Your being. The sun speaks in one language, and the stars speak in a different language, but all the languages flow out of the same vocal cords. The vocal cords belong to You, and You uttered the first sound that began to tremble in the deafness and formlessness of nothingness, and it broke into countless sounds and heralds, as a thundercloud breaks into rain drops.

O Lord, Master of the voice, speak more clearly through Your heralds!

One exclamation escaped the breast of the Bride of God when She saw Your Son--a voice filled with a love that could not be contained in silence. And that exclamation echoed in the heart of Her Son, and this echo--this response to the love of His Mother--the Holy Spirit has spread with His powerful arms throughout the entire universe. Therefore, all the universe is filled with Your heralds, O my Song and my love.

O Lord, Master of the voice, speak more clearly through Your heralds!

For this reason You also spoke in parables, O Son of God, and You would explain things and events as stories about the Most High God. You cured the sick with words and raised the dead with words, for You recognized the mystery of love. And the mystery of love is a mystery of words. Through all creatures, as through piercing and blaring trumpets, words pour forth--and through words, the love of Heaven.

O Lord, Master of the voice, teach me Your love through all Your heralds.

~St. Nikolai Velimirovic, Prayer 27

Just a Little Post

Well, to start, we had a lovely service of forgiveness at church on sunday evening, which was accompanied by Jay having a seizing fit. Not quite a seizure, but he was seizing up and could not control the right side of his body, so was twitching and could not hold his own weight. This isn't the first time, as this is a regular reaction for his body to food he shouldn't eat, though it hasn't happened so severely in quite some time, months even. I helped him in at the end of the vespers and he made it through. Fr. Andreas gave him some Holy Water, which helped calm the nerves, but he stopped twitching completely after Fr. said a short prayer of anointing.

Next day, he was weak and tired, though in delightful spirits. He rested according to his need and today has been nearly back to himself. It occurred to me that, while this is not something new for us to experience, it was wholly new for our new church family to see. Everyone was so kind and helpful, doing all they could to understand and put him at his ease. Glory to God for all things!

In other news, a week from tomorrow will be my 35th birthday. My birthday always falls during Lent, no matter how early or late it falls. This year, with Pascha so late, we will (gratefully) get through clean week before Annunciation (n.s.) and then my birthday. What a week that will be! Kat and Jay are conspiring about what they will make me and I am excited to see what they figure out.

Hmm, a little mish-mash, but that is it for now. For those of you on this Lenten journey, may it be prosperous and fruitful. Peace be unto you!

Springtime Promises

Sitting in my favorite spot
Positioned to soak in sun
Whose rays are bright and bold
With deliciously varied hues of blue
From horizon to the topmost point
Creatures stir and chatter
While butterflies dance
In anticipation of springtime
As the creek effortlessly flows by
Tall trees sway silently
Amidst the birds jubilance
Clanging chimes rejoice
Swung to life and music
By dandling breezes
Time stands still
With quiet determination
Sleepily, the earth breaths
In rugged simplicity
Drawing all things together
God's perfection magnified