Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Fire in the Night

I have come. To where, I know not.
This place seeps right into my veins.
It pulls at the strings and lights a match of arousal.
Thickly as it coats, my sight is slighted.
Familiar songs call longingly, as inward they are kept;
Through darkened doorways come melodies of yesteryear.
To dance or to cry; teardrops answer without pause.
A cleansing and a purpose, but stinging nonetheless.
Swaying to the lull, as gravity heightens reality.
This is no dream, but life in itself.
Twists and turns remind the heart and soul,
This is not home, this temporal life.
Trial by fire, so I have heard it called,
Burns for harm or redemption, as it enwraps the heart and mind.
Would that faith hold me firm,while He guide my feet aright
In the fiery furnace of temptation and want.
I forge my humanity into fullness and seek Divinity in plenitude.

Saturday, May 12, 2012


The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord

~Psalm 27(26, septuagint)KJV

This is one of my all time favorite psalms which has often spoken directly to my soul, playing the necessary melody on my heartstrings many times. As of late, it is but a shadow and a whisper in my ear, begging to be that which it once was. I seek it now. I yearn for its comfort that will not come, but faintly it plays in the background, calling to me, calling... Would that its words strike the strings in harmony that I may dance to the tune of its meaning and life! Instead, they lie in wait, concealed until the moment I am ready to hear them once more.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Awaiting the Parents

Well, my folks should be here in a few hours, granted they got on the road at a reasonable time this morning from the hotel where they stayed. We have been to the store to grab a few items, like dog food, because the wee little dog has eaten her weight in her kibble, which has never before happened in the history of her life with us! We will go pick some fresh lemons from a neighbor's tree in about an hour, or so, and that will serve to keep us from the waiting frenzy that is likely to build with every hour, mainly coming from Katherine and her massive excitement to see her Gran and Grawmps.

We went to the beach last night for sunset and had a lovely time. There were a number of pelicans who came to welcome us, upon our arrival and a couple more groups to bid us hello. Kat did some bodysurfing, I did a little bit of Taiji, Jay took pictures and video, while Aunt 'Sha' played in the waves and breathed in the ocean. The water was nearly as warm as the air, which is apparently warmer than the other day during the afternoon, when Jay and Jim West were boogie boarding. It was nice to see them; those kids are growing like nothing else!!!

I slept well, though was regularly prodded awake by the chirruping from a number of giddy birds who appeared to be supremely excited and appreciative that the sun rose...again. I think we should all have such perspective that we see each light of day as a gift, rather than a dread, no matter the weather.

Well, I think I will eat something and get ready for our lemon picking escapade! Happy thursday, all!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Since We Left Home

Oh my goodness! Since we left the house for vacation we have found out that timing has changed for my folks to meet us due to a foot infection not responding to treatment for the first round, ergo our time has been shifted; the VA is finally ready to sit with Jay for compensation, 9 months later; Jay's long-term disability apparently has decided that the one physical therapy evaluation is good enough to drop his coverage and told him that they think he can work (ha!!); and, the icing on the cake is losing both goldfish within days of one another! Lord, have mercy!

Okay, so I can be flexible with our timing here, because I want to see my parents for more than 3 stinking days, considering it has been over a year now since the last time we were together. I am only hoping that the VA is ready to take Jay on full time so we won't have any issues with the longterm, but the insurance was saying that they'd pay him disability through today, so when we get home, I may be in the market for a job, just to make ends meet until we hear from VA compensation. They are supposed to be checking to see whether there is a grace period for discontinuing the compensation through the insurance, but I can't hold my breath. We aren't even home so we can point out the part in the packet that Jay thinks he read it in. It could go one of two ways: We may have a minimum of a month at full pay to figure things out, or we may come home to just enough to pay the mortgage! Don't you just LOVE surprises?!?!

Poor Katherine and her goldfish! I had to tell her that Ponyo and Tellie 'didn't' make it and I was really sorry, but we can get two new fish when we get home. I told her that right before Jay talked to the insurance people and I am a mom of my word...

Getting turned on our heels like this is rather exhausting! When it rains, it pours and it has been coming down this past week. Thankfully, in case things are supremely tight soon, I have saved a little bit of money for our anniversary in september, since it is our 10th and we have been through plenty in that decade, I thought we should do something nice. Perhaps everything will have come out in the wash by then, if I have to use it for daily living expenses.

Please keep us in your prayers as we wade through the mire and hope to emerge more stable on the other side. Glory to God for all things! (even the stuff we don't choose, or exactly want/appreciate at the time)

Saturday, May 5, 2012

If I Could Break Open My Heart...

If I could break open my heart, you would see a mishmash of people who fill it. The instances and words that have shaped this life and love.

If I could break open my heart, you would feel what I feel and know what I know, in ways that are foreign to those who take for granted the beauty in a simple breath of sunshine.

If I could break open my heart, you may realize that the rainbow you see is you in the reflection of Divinity.

If I could break open my heart, you may see where its seams stitch in the broken pieces that come to form the imperfection that it stands to be; a beauty and peace of its own.

If I could break open my heart, you would be welcomed in to a vastness that is not my own, but where the door is always open, like the chasm and break in my heart.