Well, here we are...

Today begins the Nativity Fast, november 15, O.S. This is a very different one this year...I am never really sure what to expect, but this time last year if you'd have told me that Jay would be ill, on short term disability and we would not be driving anywhere, I would have been in complete disbelief. Now that we are here I can appreciate the road by which we came. It is a friday like any friday...or is it? There is something that sort of has a shift as we approach and then enter into any fast...I am preparing myself for a bit more soul searching (as if these past months have not afforded that through these ups and downs). It is hard to describe what is floating around in my head and heart, trying to escape, but for lack of words, there is not much more than a peep or a smile.

I am reading a book right now that is called, Reflections of a Humble Heart, by a 15th century text from writings of a certain monk, Basil. I rather like it, only about 99 pgs and will prove a quick read, I think, but will be a good start this fast. I am finding more joy in reading than I have in the past. I was labeled a 'slow' reader as a kid because I got involved in the details so much, so I never really learned to love books the way I should have because there was always a time limit on how long we were allowed to enjoy them :) That was a mouthful! Anyway, I am also reading mostly all non-fiction and maybe that has something to do with it, which I had never imagined...maybe I am just a non-fiction sort of person, huh...

Katherine and I made an Advent Wreath for the fast...on each of the sundays preceding the Nativity we light a candle, have Bible reading, discussion and a little prayer. Each of the candles is a different color (or white with a particular color ribbon on each) that represents something very specific and is a part of the discussion. Our wreath has tracings of Katherine's hand on felt, cut out in mostly green and a little red. I have yet to come across just what I am looking for the candle aspect of this thing and I only have until sunday evening! I hope to find a little something soon, everything seems either too big or too small...hopefully I will have more success in the VERY near future.

Been trying to stay on schedule lately and that seems to be helping...taking my vitamins, getting enough protein throughout the day, taking time all by myself to regenerate so I can be more useful as a wife and mommy. Knitting, always...trying to get Katherine's sweater done for her in about a week so I can give it to her for her name day, I really hope she likes it. I think I can manage...I am done with the back and front pieces and halfway through one sleeve and only have the other sleeve and stitching together left...I am feeling it in my hands a little though, probably should take a bit extra calcium, speaking of vitamins...;o)

Well, I ought to get off to bed here...up past my bedtime as it is. I will leave you with a little quote from my new book:

"...monks in ancient times, when they met one another along the road, greeted one another in the following manner:
One would ask, "Brother, how goes your work of your salvation?"
To which the other replied, "By your holy prayers, father."
Truly, we have need of spiritual strengthening from one another, because our path is difficult and it is easy to perish." -Reflections of Humble Heart, pgs 22-23.

Good Enough

Lately, I've been thinking
Been needing a theme song
Something to cut
Right into the
Heart of where we are

A melancholy tone
Solid offbeat
Feels just right
Hard words
Soft voice
Hopeful, tender, moving
Firm, convicted, proven
Into my heart

The words melt away
Into my flesh
Tears that well in spite
Of myself
Tears of cleansing
Of pain, growth and lost fear
Feel it in the pit
Of my heart
As it rushes the life
Blood
Throughout my veins

So much more....

Nothing fits
This solitude entraps and
Frees
A yearning for more
A plea for less
Amidst apparent gloom
Learning and Faith
Strength and molding
Promise....

There it ends
Wanting more
Haven't had enough
But it's good enough
For now...

Gospodi Pomiluy, Gospodi pomiluy, Kyrie Eleison...
Slava Tebe, Gospodi, slava Tebe!

Good Question, My Love

Katherine asked me yesterday, "Why do people only sometimes follow God?"
Good question, my love.
I had to give it a bit of thought, I did ask her context, but that is really irrelevant since the question holds true in any light and makes sense regardless. I am not very good at 'on-the-spot' questions usually, anything worthwhile is but for the grace of God and so out of my jumbled, somewhat stunned brain, I pulled this out...something to the effect of how just because we know something is right, does not mean we always do it. Sometimes we don't know, or understand, what is the entirety of Truth and so go against it unknowingly. I also described freewill, God gave us the choice and hopes that we use it wisely. She keeps coming up with doozies and I hope and pray that God gives me enough wisdom and Grace to answer them worthy of Him.
God help us all!