Friday, October 29, 2010

It's Late and I Ought to be in per usual

After 32 1/2 years of living, I can honestly say that the more I learn and experience, the less I truly know. Such an odd place to be. Time has begun to seem as if it were never really real, while people, faces and places meld together to make the varied contents of my life. The surreality of everyday life overshadows what would be tangible. This illusion of life and control over its course is so completely draining, it is all I can do to look up and notice the days passing into years and watch my little girl growing in more ways than can be described. There is a monotony that takes hold and refuses to let go, but it is a constant reminder of the small ripple that we create in this vast pool of life. I get tired of all of this, it takes its toll and I have to figure out how to fill the remaining days of this life. I do have ideas and goals, but sometimes feeling trapped inside of the fleeting walls of a prison that cannot contain, nor explain, that which is true.

There is a struggle, and just like any struggle, the fight becomes a source of wearing. Hopefully this current grinding away produces something useful. Usually it does, but right now, I just can't see it. It just seems so much like flapping in the wind while everything just passes right by. But hey, what do I know?


Mary said...

This seems very sad... :-(

Marfa said...

Very interesting...I turned 33 just a few months ago...and this is how I feel busy that often I just see a blur, but those things that are most important to me, my family...are vivid. So many things I'd like to do, but seems like not enough time. Perhaps I do not MAKE the time?