Saturday, January 5, 2008

the mountain

Well, here I sit...thinking, wandering through thought and space. I am not sure where to start. It is nearly the Nativity of Christ (O.S.) and I am feeling a little bit of relief and a bit of joy as would be brought by such an occasion. The birth of Talia Noelle (friends' baby) has sparked a new light in my heart, in general and for the season. I love Creation. I love the work of God's hand! I remember when I became a mommy and I go back to that place in time that I still love and will never forget. To become a mother is a simply wonderful, fulfilling experience. I get to be a mommy every day of my life, for eternity, I will never not be a mom. I still love it and someday I will look back and think of these moments as I already do of those all those years ago. Probably you are thinking, "Where on God's green earth is this going? Are we just talking about how much we love babies and motherhood...?" Well, i don't suppose I have a real point, but it is indescribable to be a parent...
At times, I think that since I am too distracted to live my life perfectly in struggle, focused on God, I am given such beautiful sidetracks as motherhood and marriage. Thank God for His mercy! If I had to choose my distractions (to learn my lessons), they would be as lovely as these! So long as I learn to see the plank in my own eye, learn to love as sweetly as my daughter, learn to be loved as my husband tries to love me each day and take for granted nothing, perhaps I may succeed in this struggle that is life. There is no race to win, only love and compassion to be had. We should rejoice, the birth of Christ is at hand! Sometimes I think people don't really get it...and sometimes, I think I don't really get it! I try, perhaps that is enough for God...for now. I am grateful for the Grace of learning, I am more than grateful for the Grace of Love and understanding. I am beginning to understanding real love. It is like being at the bottom of a mountain and looking up...the feat, is that I can actually see the mountain and it is not blurry. I can see the beauty from this point and now I wish to climb it. Now, for the lifelong task of climbing the mountain and finding more wholeness in the perfection that is Love. With God's help, I can do all things. Even if I never reach the top, I expect the view is spectacular...


Petronia said...

There was a time when being mom for life, as you said, seemed daunting and not necessarily desirable. But now that I am a mom, I know exactly what you mean!..about how good it is and about what a great mercy it is to be molded and perfected by it.

As for Love, I am jealous that you at least see the mountain clearly. Just recently I was thinking how blinded I am by my ego and 'this world's confusion.'

Thanks for a nice post. I love to hear what is going on inside of you.