Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Passing of Time

God is enough
This, too, shall pass
It always passes
Into time and nothingness
But He continues
With a constant cascade
Of Ever-present peace

This sinking feeling
Unintended unrest
Will teach before it fades
Assuredly, it sits
Patiently throughout
Stiffly, silently, softly
It calls to me

His presence calms
The storm shall pass
No tear must fall
With weighty steps
I walk
With heart in hand

The fight within pulls
Strings of reverie
Like a puppet
They dance about
Cajoling with temptation
Dripping from their steps
My mind must stay aright

Allay my feebleness
In heart and soul
Lift me up above my own fault
Keep all my senses focused
On God,
Will I rest my weary, tiredness
My self that is His to direct

Thursday, May 19, 2011


The beating of the rain
Is like a gloomy lullaby
A cleansing interruption
A welcome pause
Of this day's life

A necessity to all
Though slowing time
As it comes deliberately falling
It drowns the hustle
And washes the pathways

Simple water
Dripping energy
A spirit of essence
Calmly, without pretense
Rain brings vibrance

We cannot truly capture its beauty
Though we want to know the way
To be without wanting to be
To go where we must
To give without greed

The path is clear
The rain has always known
Going where it must
Completely, selflessly
In every place

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Good Day...

Well, the start of this week is far more promising than any of the other days last week, so I would say we are off to a great start! I don't know how it caught my attention, but something sparked my interest in the, 'if this were my last day' sort of thought pattern tonight. My immediate reaction, like a ton of bricks, was that I wouldn't sleep because I wouldn't want to miss a thing. Then I decided that a minimal amount of sleep would be required in order to function in my last hours. Huh.

It occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to see everyone, or do everything, I am not able to at a moments notice, so the best coarse of action would be to pray. It was an odd flash of what life would be like if I was to realize that my life is only but a breath and blink in the grand scheme. I imagined hugging and loving people as though I had no history, or any future, for that matter.

It is these times when I have those 'flash-forward' images in my head that seem to project me toward what I know to be true and right. Things are clear for a mere second as they flit through my mind's eye in an almost tangible, yet drifting and surreal sort of slow-motion picture of what could be and what has been.

A fleeting thought came to me today about how we get to have certain moments of joy and peace, wherein our days are not so much of a struggle and we notice our happiness, like my day today. It gave me the sense that, while these are the days which bring me rest and calm, it is the other days, though seemingly tough and frustrating, that are the times that fade into a distant remembrance and become no more of a nuance than any other. My reaction should be the same on a day when I bask in the peace as when I want to hide in my bed away from all things. This is nothing new, but when it sinks into my heart and soul is when it makes a difference and begins to change things. The interesting part is that it is likely the transforming is taking place without my absolute knowledge, yet it doesn't dawn on me until the exact moment when it settles into my innermost being.

A good day, but that is true of any day when I awake with breath in my lungs and a light in my eyes...Glory to God for all things, but today, especially those that help direct my focus to where it ought to be, even if only for a short time....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Day for the Books

It is amazing how the things that used to seem like the troubles and pain turn into the fond memories of today. Though many should stay where they are laid, others linger on in the stillness of a timeless revery that could not be cut off if you tried to free yourself. The lesson probably stands that we are set up to cherish those things we have at the moment we have them, whether or not we wish to tolerate and even graciously accept it.

We have but this one life, though we dwindle our time, energies and most faculties as we drag ourselves from station to station. There are those of us who seem to subscribe to the school of thought that we ought to be without troubles and be as happy as we can while we are here, because that is the meaning of life. I belong to the opposing team where each and every treacherous disaster and strife brings us closer and reminds us of where it is we are trying to go. We all must make a choice, though it is not so easy to stay on the paths we have decided upon.

I had a strange moment of clarity which seemed to illumine something for Katherine, while, at the same time, causing a peace to settle inside myself. We were discussing something uncomfortable for her and she is not inclined to take kindly to sadness and troubles, considering her earliest memories include her dad going to the E.R., or so sick with a migraine we have to nearly tiptoe in the house, etc. We were, in fact, talking about her struggles with her papa, when we had our moment. It was one of those times where you aren't really sure from whence the words stem, but they seem like good ones and they reach in to turn on a light switch. It was something to the effect of this; when we are struggling, that is when we tend to learn the most and gaining wisdom is a good thing, so we must also approach our struggles this way. Our struggles are what shapes us and wisdom is its natural companion.

This day is closing and so will I, with a psalm (117, septuagint):
"O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy endureth for ever.
Let the house of Israel now say that He is good, for His mercy endureth for ever.
Let the house of Aaron now say that He is good, for His mercy endureth for ever.
Let all that fear the Lord now say that He is good, for His mercy endureth for ever.
I called upon the Lord out of my trouble, and the Lord heard me, and set me at large.
The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
The Lord is my help, and I shall see my desire upon mine enemies.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to hope in the Lord than to hope in princes. All the nations compassed me about, but in the name of the
Lord I warded them off. They compassed me, yea, they compassed me about; but in
the name of the Lord I warded them off.
They compassed me about, like bees around a honeycomb, and they kindled like fire among thorns; but in the name of the Lord I warded them off.
I was thrust, and overturned, that I might fall; but the Lord was quick to help me.
The Lord is my strength and my song, and is become my salvation.
The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous.
The right hand of the Lord hath wrought mightily, the right hand of the Lord hath exalted me; the right hand of the Lord hath wrought mightily.
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
The Lord hath chastened me sore, but He hath not given me over unto death.
Open to me the gates of righteousness, and I will go in by them, and I will praise the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord; the just shall enter thereby.
I will praise Thee, for Thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation.
The stone which the builder rejected is become the head stone of the corner.
This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.
This is the day which the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Save now, O Lord; O Lord, send now prosperity.
Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; we have blessed you out of the house of the Lord.
God is the Lord, and hath appeared unto us; appoint a feast with thick boughs, even to the horns of the altar.
Thou art my God, and I will praise Thee; Thou art my God, and I will exalt Thee; I will praise Thee, for Thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation.
O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy endureth for ever."

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, glory to Thee, O God. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, glory to Thee, O God. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, glory to Thee, O God. O Lord, our Hope, glory to Thee.

Birds, Patio, Plants and Breezes

I am writing this post from the patio of our condo while I listen to the chimes sing, both bamboo and melodious, birds calling and the breeze is pushing the trees around. I sit next to our planter boxes where we have a couple of tomato starter plants and various seeds nestled in beneath the brown earthy goodness. We have had our first sprout today; the kale, italian lacinato variety, Katherine's favorite! It is always encouraging to have something come up from a seed and it is a good reminder that we need very little in order to survive. We all begin in the darkness of the womb, animate to life through gentle nurturing and God's grace and, when the time is right, we break through and begin to set down our roots and absorb life in its many glories.

I find a lot of peace and comfort in growing things because I get to sort of co-create with God again, even if it something I am not needed in order to accomplish, it is joyful. The earth is still an abundant, life-affirming place and spring is such an overtly plentiful time. What love and joy it brings, I am grateful to have been born in springtime, though I tend to prefer the quiet of autumn overall.

The birds came to us and told us to feed them the day after we got back. I was out on the patio going through dirt and planting things and the birds were watching, so they thought they might sit perched atop the roof and call down looking right at us!!! Next day, we got some seed to fill the feeders and they are happy campers. The birds we tend to see in our area are as follows; robin red-breast, red-winged blackbird, cassin's finch, house finch, european starling, mourning dove, pigeons, sparrows and basic blackbird and occasional goldfinch. I LOVE the red-winged blackbird, while Jay is partial to the robins and Kat hopes to see more of the goldfinches. We did just stop in at our local, brand new Wild Bird's Unlimited down the street and grabbed a cake cylinder to try to attract some Northern Flickers, those are fun to see and seem SO big compared to our little finches!

Jay is currently in the midst of resurrecting our wormbin, which has been out of commission for a little while after it went by the wayside when we went out of town last summer. We will compost our food bits, at least the ones Buttercup, the wee dog, doesn't eat and what doesn't get thrown for the robins, as they seem to like tomato if it is in the grass. I am looking forward to having things up and running while we attempt to have a quiet family summer at home, with a side of seeing friends and family when the occasion allows.

"What shall I render unto the Lord for all that He hath rendered unto me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the
Lord." (Psalm 115:3-4; septuagint)

Monday, May 9, 2011

More Pictures

This is one of my favorites!

My sister and Kat are so much like twins sometimes!

Our fixings for dinner at my sister's house! YUM!


A beautiful church tucked in the hills of Corvallis! If any of you live nearby, or ever have the opportunity, stop by for a service or visit!

(I thought the other pictures were nice but that they came out kinda small, so I thought I would post a couple more in a larger size :o) )

Friday, May 6, 2011

A Few Pictures

Inside the church was beautiful!!!

At my sister's, they were so cute together, they are almost like twins...a lot!

Grawmps and Kat on our morning of departure as he tried to keep her from thinking about having to leave :o( Sad business, but no one could do it better!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

We Are Home!

We made it home safely from our trip out west. After an all too brief, but really great stop at my sister's in Portland, we were off again and the wedding was lovely, the bride lovelier. Things went smoothly and Katherine made it through the wedding ceremony in her dress without grass stains or bruises, which she promptly got following said ceremony. She made good friends with the boy of a long time friend whom we haven't seen in awhile, though they live in Fort Collins these days. We just don't get up north that often, but there are a handful of people I would like to see at some point, including my goddaughters in Wellington. It has been too long, but that is nothing new. Perhaps in the nearer future things will be different, we shall see.

We had a wonderful Pascha in the pretty little church of St. Martin the Merciful, in Corvallis. It is a beautiful church full of truly great people. We were able to make it to a small portion of the 12 Passion Gospel's on thursday evening, after we went to the rehearsal and dinner and I had my confession with Fr. James. It was interesting because there was a momentary purging of all my conscience in such fluidity I had to wonder from whence it came. Good Friday was spent peacefully working a bit around the house of our hosts, though I would have liked to helped more. They are a fabulous family whom we hope to see more of in the future and not so much time in between (I can't measure the time it had been since seeing them last!) Saturday was a massively busy day with liturgy in the morning, getting lost trying to find a store that wasn't there, getting back to the house only to realize we had a super short window of time to eat/rest/shower/change/etc. before being whisked away to the wedding site where they were taking pictures beforehand, ran an errand, back for the ceremony and keeping Katherine from mussing her dress prior to THE event, had some delish gf/df vegan pasta dish and cupcakes, enjoyed a bit of dancing and catching up, back to the house to gather our Pascha basket items and anything else we hadn't had time to remember, off to church for the end of the Acts of the Apostle's, midnight service, it rained on our procession, Katherine was barely awake (Lord knows how we made it through!), she fell asleep wherever she could in the church until being woken for communion and all she wanted to do was sleep and eat an egg. That wasn't even the end, because, really, it is only the beginning of anything when the Paschal bliss sets in and the tiredness slips away into nothingness as we gathered ourselves and walked across the dirt road to the priest (and his family's) house for the post service feast! Phew! We had a lovely time and went home, slept around 5 until 9ish, got up, had some snacks, Jay requested an espresso of Martinian and Evgenia as his special Pascha treat. I felt like we were so welcome to stay and could have for ages, but also that I wanted to make it down to my folks' to settle in. We met them at their Pascha party at a parishioner's home near their own and that kicked off our next week.

Our visit in southern Oregon was fairly relaxed and pain-free. We didn't try to do too much, which is usually my fault and ultimate demise. I did get to take my husband to a B&B for one night in the little town nearby, which was amazingly lovely, while Katherine went on a movie date with Gran and Grawmps. I took my sister out for some lunch in Jacksonville at a great deli-style place who advertise working with people's food choices and needs, total awesomeness! Spent some time with my nephews who are getting so big and darling. My mom got to be off of work and wasn't sick the whole time like last summer, so we got to do stuff. Katherine and my dad nurtured their relationship, which is good for them both, I think. It was almost too short, but it was enough to do things and have a memorable, pleasant time with everyone. Glory to God!

One day home and I was out planting seeds with hopes of a large (for us) and delicious crop, though small and contained in our little patio garden. Gina brought Gracie back to us and we spent some time getting back in sync with them. Katherine and Jack played a lot and the weather was so nice that Kat thought she'd wear a tank top, so now she is learning about her fair skin that isn't acclimated to so much sun, especially this early in the season! Poor girl, at least we have a good amount of aloe! All is quiet and I should be off to bed, I just wanted to pop in for a few to give the latest and greatest :o)