The Seasons of My Life

I was born in springtime, when the world awakens and breaks it winter fast. The chill warms into rain and shine to bring flowers of new growth and beauty. New life abounds infinitely, as creatures stir to co-Create, whether for the first time or once again. As is spring, so is childhood.

I was married in the summer of my life, where everything is bright and lively, anticipating the glorious long days of life, giving way to beauty, energy, and endlessness. I became a mom and wife in the same fragrant season with great slendor and awe, bringing to fruition a multitude of dreams and the next chapter to begin.

I have moved in the autumn of my life, back to a place where I was young. I revisit old haunts in memories, places, and images that transport my mind to yesterday, as I purposefully look to preparation of tomorrow. I am drawn to ready myself for the eventual eternal winter that will fall upon us all. I think of the generations who have come before me and the line that I perpetuate. Magnificent and long-suffering, are a great many who have come in turn, with fascinating stories of their own.

I see trees withdraw their energies and bring forth a beauty that is enhanced by the subtle drear in the air. Though the sleep of winter sits impending, the land tranforms to welcome her chill and twilight. Just as the apple tree needs a winter rest uninhibited in order to prosper, so too, the soul must prepare for the fruit it must bear through a season of contemplation and preparation, perchance to be reborn into the eternal spring of the Resurrection of all life into One Love and communion with Creation and Truth.

I find I do not fear death, only an unrepentant and mindless life lived, because we all must die to live again in Eternity. We die now, that we may live in eternity of the day of Resurrection.

School, Life, and Our Mountainside

So, we got Kat a real workbook for schooling. *GASP* This does not mean we are abandoning our unschooling approach to pretty much everything and she was a bit less than enthused, but at least it is Brain Quest with all kinds of pictures and bright colors. We do not ask that she do any of it consecutively, just that she find a few pages to work on each day. She is now more on board and is happy to see what she has finished bits and pieces, though it has only been a week. Miss Anna will be working with her on reading and language arts, which is half of the book, along with whatever curriculum Anna deems worthy to be taught, since she is a former language arts teacher.

Get this. Kat...likes...math! WOOT! She likes math like her mama and I am redicovering my own love for it as we work with angles and numbers. She is a lot like her papa in a great many ways, particularly with intereset in school subjects, but this is one we can relate to and do together. I was actually late leaving the house today because I got sucked into doing math with her.

Ok, I think I am finished with that bit...for now. Though we have not had any rain yet this season, which is rather unusual, the air has begun to change, while the plants and the earth make the push to sleep the winter away. I no longer feel the heat pressing in to drive us further into preparation of the upcoming winter, but even the trees and creatures have made it well-known that it is time to slow and what is done settles, but what has yet to be done, may wait another day. We are not amidst the autumn foliage just yet, but the transformation has set in and we will move with the tides of the mountainside.

I sit at coffee and think of the knitting to be done, all the while having two projects sitting next to me in a bag, awaiting my reimmersion. It will come in time. I realize that the cold, wet months to come will offer a great deal of time to knit away, but my thoughts turn to getting nestled into our little hobbit-esque house to seek solace and perhaps stumble upon peace.

Who knows how much I will be on here, but I will try to update things as it is presented to us. Much love to all!

Life, Farm, Anniversary, and Whatnot

So very much time has passed since I have last written, but here I am! I am not lost forever, I promise. That being said, we are settling into the realities of our new adventure. I say realities because have to come to ters on what our country life truly entails. We are 32 miles from town, but travel time varies depending on weather and, lately, whether there are hunters swarming the area because rifle season has opened and they are up and down the road. This winter will certainly be an interesting introduction into many things, but judging whether we ought to even attempt leaving our mountainside for town during poor weather, or how best to keep the woodstove, and even what and how much food stores to keep around. I expect I will have soup on nearly every day and the apples that we have picked for storage will be made into crisps and cider, or eaten whole.

The Farmer's Almanac says that, though we are having a longer and warmer than usual season of warmth right now, we should expect a wetter than normal winter, which means snow at our altitude. Even if we don't get the snow directly every time, we have a nearly 5500 ft. pass to cross on Greensprings mountain just to get to town, which will likely get snow when we get rain. It will be interesting, to say the very least, acclimating to the weather and whatnot, but I am extremely grateful that we got here when we did so we will already be used to our house and grounds. We are all familiar with most things in our new environment, so as the seasons finally change, I believe we will not have quite the adjustment as we might, had we come out sooner.

It has been nice taking some time to see family and friends. Church has also been a blessing and I was just mentioning to our new Matushka how it is nice that we have the solid cycle of the church year of feasts and services that stays constant, even amidst all kinds of change and disruption in life and family routine. Truly, it is a Godsend to have such grounding, because the whole world outside can change and fall apart, but the cycle and seasons within the church stay steadfast as an undercurrent of strength.

We are currently at a bed and breakfast for our anniversary, the 10th, to be exact. We are a week past, but it is perfect timing. It has crossed my mind that it is a bit odd to be on an anniversary getaway with Jay and be on the computer, however, we only use internet at our neighbors house, and relatively minimally at that. Last night was the first time in weeks that I sat down to watch a show with Jay and I have learned how much I can do, and even prefer to be, without tv and movies. That doesn't mean that we won't be cuddled up watching movies this winter as we stay warm inside, all the while the frozen grounds renew themselves for spring and a new crop, but I am perfectly happy not having the distraction.

We brought our bikes to the B&B and expect to ride to town 1 mile away and shop around, perhaps to have lunch/dinner. With breakfast so late, as we sat down at 10 a.m., I am sure our afternoon meal will serve a dual meal purpose and we will work on snacks and wine later. We have been the only guests, thus far, so we have the run of this historic two-story house to ourselves, I almost don't want to go to town. It is going to be another sunny, beautiful day, so we probably had better take advantage of it. I must say that I am not sure what to do with all this time without having chores to tend, but I did bring knitting and books, should I wish to get into them. We already talk about so many things as the days pass that coming to a place like this affords us the opportunity to chat in peace without interruption, but we also have few things to discuss. Now, to be sure, it isn't as though we are dull, but I think that we maintain ur marriage quite well that we are not in need of those things, but mostly not being responsible for a great many things in a day and being able to go out on a whim to little shops and eat whenever, not just between jobs.

In closing of this rather extensive blather, I would say that we all love our little life on the farm, in the country, quietly discovering many more wonders in life. We have 4 hens laying, 15 more who are up and coming, with 6 baby chicks awaiting their turn to be in the big house with the other lady hens. Our dogs love it, Kat is in kid heaven, with a creek nearby to always be able to wash and water her ponies and horses, the upstairs to herself, and her job as chicken mistress and resident spunky kid. Jay's health is also contnuing to be restored, bit by bit, and we both appreciate the honest and worthy work of the farm. We hope to roll into spring with a readiness to propagate and flourish!

Blessed Be

I lived to wake another day
To move toward a new beginning
But also old friends.
To bring with us great love
Mingled with a small weight;
This bittersweetness and beauty
Of grown by the tending of love.
A firm and fragile vine
It spans a vastness of the heart
Both through swells of pain and joy.
The fruit of which has fed us,
For as the rain has come in time,
It waters this vine of growth
Giving new life strewn with blessings.

I have come to know
That the greatness of God,
Which permeates us all,
Often comes to us in glimpses.
Waves of glory and light
Rush in a mere shadow of His love.
A great and transcendant love,
Whose messengers wend their way
Straigt in your heart,
Etching themselves in immortality.

Bittersweet Goodbye

I went to knitting tonight. It was and average evening, aside from the fact that it is my last time with the ladies until who knows when, but I am SO glad I went. Though it is sad to actually say goodbye, and mean it, there is some gravity that weighs in to take the measure of what lies ahead. We are really moving. We are going to be gone REALLY soon, and it only truly hit tonight, since it is something I have tried to do every week for the past four years.

I have learned a great deal about myself and others in this time of knitting for my sanity. When Jay first fell ill, it was soon afterward that I found the knitting group, first at the shop, then at a friends' house. I am floored by the love of the group of ladies I have been privleged to get to know. They are, by far, some of the funniest, deep, and smart women I have ever known in my life, thus far. There is a certain beauty about coming together for a shared hobby or, as it were, any craft, though knitting was central.

I went to take mind off of things. Sometimes I did not know who I would meet that understood what we were going through. A word of wisdom, sympathy, or assurance would be offered as needed. A laugh would often erupt for ay old reason, and I haven't had inside jokes since I was a kid, until I met these girls. Not because anyone was trying to exclude anyone else, but because we would talk of such things that no one else would truly get, unless they were there.

I thought I would cry if they did anything for me, which they did by way of card, food, and gifts, but it was walking out after actually saying goodbye, when I shed my tears of departure. I will miss them something awful, in ways I didn't imagine. They all truly care, have been there for years and know all of our struggles, and have offered me respite and reprieve from in many days of monotonous health issues we were wading through. They know me, because to know me these days, is to know what I have been through and somehow shared in the arduous journey. For as many weeks in a row that I could manage and had, sometimes meeting on the side, outside the main group, if I hadn't any other time, they were there.

Thank God for these ladies, may they have many blessings.

Remembering These Years

We are nearing our ten year wedding anniversary next month. The feast day is for Ss. Joachim and Anna, grandparents of Our Lord. It falls the day after the birth of the Theotokos, just like St. Joseph's is te day following Christ's birth. Anyway, this spring, as things started to become more stable with Jay's health and I was feeling a bit like I was awaiting the other proverbial shoe to drop, I decided that, after all that we have been through, we ought to have a nice 10th celebration. I had begun to squirrel away money to try to go up to the cabins we love so dearly, that offer so much peace and quietude. When everthing hit in early May, those dreams seemed farther and farther away, but we were still hopeful. What a blur it has been since then and now we are going to go live in the woods. What a blessing.

You know, during some of these years, as I look back and ponder the days and moments in time that have shaped today's gratefulness, much of it stems from not realizing how we have been living in a state of survival for a number of years. It is easy to say that is what happened when Jay first fell ill, but it has been truly since Jay was spontaneously taken for training, where we spent our second anniversary eating ribs on a military base with our 1 year old daughter, just before he was inevitably deployed for what would become an eight year journey, though he was in country less than a year. One that took us through some of the darkest places of soul searching, patience, faith, and forgiveness. It amazes me that when in times of darkness, even the slightest hint of light weighs in as mercy, and the slightest tinge of brightness, becomes a source of glory and love. Sometimes we cannot tell how long we have lived in the shadows, until we walk through the door that swings wide open and the sunlight comes gushing through and blinds us.

I have not had much attachment to this physical place, this condo, where we live, but I have become rather partial to the journey and the lessons, the people and love. I do not believe it seems sweeter because we are going, but because when you have the opportunity to behold the final product of many years of work and creation, it is an amazing sight. As with any work of art, there are those highlights that stand out, the crowning moments of smooth perfection in one stroke, and those times of struggle and mistake, but it is still our portrait. I imagine that it is like a sun that, through the years, has slowly been setting, only to rise again in a new place. It is a metamorphosis from an encasement of some ragged times, with bright moments, into a new beginning. It has not been all bad, nor do we expect that what will come is going to somehow be perfect, or even great, but it is a change to try our hand at something new; a way to refine our life lessons. I, for one, am eternally grateful for all of my lessons, whether the gravity has lifted me up, or left me to drop and recover.

This year, after a decade of being married to a man who holds me up, when I just want to give up. Being in a marriage where we do our best to allow one another to be who we are, express it, understand one another, and support each others' decisions. We are going to stay at the B&B around the corner from my parents' house, where they feed you based on whatever food needs, or preferences, you may have, and offers a bit of respite from this perpetual rollercoaster of life. He has often said he may not have any friends, get out of the house, or do anything much at all, if not for me and my prodding, so I am going to take him, for both of us.

Glory to God for all things.

We Feed People and Tales of Packing Woes

So, our time is nearing to be gone, though not soon enough, in my opinion. Not that I am in a hurray to be gone, but I am most certainly in a hurry to be packed and not have to deal with it anymore. All we can do is a little bit at a time, so we are, but it surely makes for a long, drawn out process, it seems. Oh well, it won't be long, I suppose. *SIGH*

On the happy front, we will be celebrating Kat's birthday with all of our friends around tehse parts. I promised her that we would do something and I am a mom of my word, if I can help it. So, saturday morning we will arrive at the park, hopefully before anyone else tries to get there and use the shelter, and await the onset of friends, friends, FRIENDS! She is really looking forward to it and so are we. I am grateful to be able to do this for her, because her friends are at the top of her list of what she will miss most about Colorado.

I realized that when we celebrate, we feed people, but what is more, I have become rather Russian-esque about it. Ha ha! Though I am not quite fully Russian about it, I am close. My chips, guacamole, and hummus with df/gf ice cream cones, has turned into two kinds of chips, salsa, guac, homemade tofu pate, a load of veggie sticks, gf veggie pasta salad, two kinds of grapes, watermelon, 4 kinds of lemonade, half-pint Izze drinks, and 5 kinds of df/gf ice cream cones. It is practically lunch, even though the party starts at 930 am! That's ok, I did grow up in a family where we got special meals for our birthday's and whatnot, so I guess I just take it to the next level and invite 30 or 40 of our closest friends! Glory to God we can do it!

Well, that is the upcoming couple of days and the latest thoughts. I really wish this place would pack itself, or maybe the packing elves would come out of the woodwork in the night and do it for me. Just one more way for me to practice patience, right?