Saturday, January 5, 2013

For Now

Well, enough of the niceties, I have about had it. Along with everything else changing, so has our church life. Don't get me wrong, our church family and community are amazing, and we do live next door to one of them. The problem is having been able to attend every service, regardless of length or date, any possible time. Not to say that we are not exactly where we ought to be, but it surely makes things complicated when church is 32 miles away, 1 hour drive on a good day. I mean, really? When we have become so accustomed to being at nearly all services, year in and year out, it is a bit of a shock to feel like, "It is only 32 miles," completely knowing that it was half that in CO. That being said, it was only 22 minutes from house to church.

I know, I am a grumbler, I am just trying to come to terms with not being able to go all the time. I think that the real struggle is in feeling like I am awful, or unfit, at minimum, to be of example to Kat, therefore I have relied ever so much on the community of the church and whatnot, in order to make up for all my glaring shortcomings. Looks like I am going to have to step up and that is what is next in order. I just love church and being there with my little family and, these days, my parents, sister, nephews, etc. It is rather a blow, but what a thing to figure out. I have no want of trying to decide when it is best for us to go, though I realize that God is 'everywhere present and fills all things' and we cannot ever be further than our hearts in prayer and love, with appreciation.

I find myself daydreaming about how it would be living in a little village, or just outside, in Russia or Greece or Romania, anywhere besides here, I suppose, that there is an Orthodox Church on every corner, just as there is a Protestant one here. Of course, having a good priest is not a given with having any old church, so I will be comforted in the fact that our parish and her priest is kind and understanding. *sigh* I think I need to see what we do have, rather than lament that which is not, but also to forge a new habit and firmness of faith.


peacework projects said...

ummmm. . .i hear ya. been through all the same thoughts. we were able to hit a beautiful monastery on the feast of St. Barbara, but haven't been since then. will hopefully go tomorrow, but the forecast is calling for rain!!!! hope we make it. . .i can say 'don't stress', but i still stress.

elizabeth said...

hang in there; lots of big adjustments; I went to being able to WALK to church in 25 minutes (5 by car but I don't drive these days) to our main church being over an HOUR drive... there is a church that is closer (but not on the same calendar) that we go to vespers... moving does not mean total miracles or that everything is simple, but you saw something great to be gained and your husband's health being better is a HUGE thing. of course there are bumps in the road; while church is harder in distance for me too, being married is worth it; for salvation; take good care.