33, day one

I am not prone to imagining what might have been, or wishing for things that just aren't, but I find myself lately reflecting on my past. Mostly, it is in the decision-making. There are a great number of things I might have ended up doing by this point in my life, some good, some less so, had my choices been different. People I have known throughout the years and their influence, or lack thereof, in my thought process. Those whom I have loved and lost, or never knew I loved until later, or the ones that came a day late and a dollar short.

At 33, I think I am finally old enough to look back and ponder. It may seem strange, and it is a little odd in my own character, but I find myself assessing my life and counting my blessings, but also taking a moment to imagine what life may have been like at this point, had I made different decisions. In some cases, the decision was more of an allowing of what will be. Those seem to be the ones that have carried me thus far in this adventure story. The less I pretend to know about what I ought to be doing, the better off I tend to be. It is a good lesson to learn, though a hard pill to swallow, at times.

I love my husband and in our decade of being together (that counts meeting), we have been through more than some people will go through in a lifetime. I would never, in all my days, ask for anything more or less. Could I have had fewer struggles and lived more comfortably? Yes, but would it be to the Glory of God that I had followed those paths? On the flip side, there is still much more that I can do, and wish to, before I die. Only God knows whether they will come to fruition.

Up until now, I know this much...I am married to a wonderful man, who lifts me up, when I am fallen down or cannot find the means to walk and will go to the ends of the earth to care for me, should I need it. I am mother to a beautiful and amazing daughter, whose wit and innocence finds me in my most difficult times to shine upon me the love of her heart and helps me to learn more about who I am every day. I have a home that is full of love and peace, God and family and all that is needed at any given time. I have friends who are caring and supportive, offering their own insight into life, love and lost. God is gracious and merciful in all things needful. My heart is full and I am left not wanting. 33 is a good year so far, I hope I continue to recognise all my blessings as they weave in and out of my life and breath in all that I do.