Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Dust Begins To Settle

It seems the dust is settling and we are now in the throes of shuffling things into boxes and trying to stay on top of what we are trying to do, like making realistic goals. It is hard when there is much to be done, but also many people to be seen. I have promised Kat a birthday party here with her friends and loved ones before we leave Colorado. It will probably be in early to mid-august, so that doesn't leave me much time for planning. Along with that, we are going to talk with bank about a refinancing to lock in a good rate, which would enable us to rent this condo while we are living in Oregon. We would also like to spend at least a weekend up north to see friends and family who are in the area, maybe a picnic sort of thing, I don't know. If we are renting out our place, we will be painting and redoing flooring, which will take some time, for sure. All while we do our every day house and family maintenence, we are adding a little something to our daily and weekly list of chores.

There are always things that come up that make it harder to go, or make the getting ready more difficult, but that is par for the course in my experience, I only hope and pray it doesn't get too ugly before we actually leave; I need Jay intact, since he has been so much more stable, and my quitting my job has already impacted him for the better. The poor guy had 2 migraines the first week I went in, but just kept pushing onward and upward, if I was going to keep on. As far as the job goes, I began, then we found all of these things come into place, so we knew it wouldn't last and even said that the end of July would be my last, if I didn't finish sooner. I had a pretty good first week, then everything fell apart, both there and at home, and I kept in contact with the manageent. We mutually decided to let me be done already and be home, so I am super grateful. I did learn a lot about myself and I am grateful for the opportunity, but I am supremely relieved I can be here for my family in this time. Yesterday alone was spent doing 'business' that couldn't be taken care of because I was always so tired and in bed so early, we never had a spare moment to tend the tasks at hand.

There is a family reunion in Portland in 2.5 weeks, but we can't go because I am saving our buddy passes to hopefully fly back to CO in december to see Jay's family and only have to buy one ticket then, but I REALLY want to go to the reunion! There is family there that has never met Katherine, who will be 9 this birthday, because all of our trips have been to So. Ore., or to So. Cal., but I suppose we will just have to make some trips northward to see them when we live there. Still, it doesn't exactly make up for getting to go run and play ball with cousins and second cousins in a park in the middle of summer and eat hot dogs and potato salad. (Can you tell I have memories of doing that very thing?) I miss that a lot. I remember going up there for 4th of July one year as a kid and we didn't have any bases for baseball, so we used paper plates...

Goodness, things seem so much like business as usual, but we ARE packing. We haven't moved since we bought this condo 7 years ago tomorrow! Thankfully we have purged some things somewhat regularly, but it still feels like AGES! What to bring, what to leave, what to donate, wat to sell (if anything), what to do?!!? Such a crazy time of change, I can hardly wrap my head around it.

I know this is the right thing, there is no question, so it is a relief, but I lament how sudden this seems to so many of our family and friends here. I mean, we were only discussing it since mid-May ourselves, and for things to be so elastic makes it feel extreme one way, then another, but that is how things often come about. Any other time I have moved, things have come quickly, only months to do it, and they are undeniably set and perfect, though it feels a whirlwind! I await the sharp sting of what will present itself as our draw to stay, but we must keep our 'eye on the prize' as it were, or else we will get caught in what ought not be. I cannot imagine NOT moving to Colorado. I mean, look at my life and loves! But even then there were people and situations that made it seem unnecessary. If I never moved to the city, what sort of life and sanity would I have? Between church family and friends, we are so incredibly blessed it is immeasurable! It has been my stronghold through these years of trial and temptation. Now we embark on a new adventure, wrought with mystery, excitement, and bittersweetness. Though we love so much of what we have, especially our church family, who have been through every step of our struggles and triumph, it is time to leave the nest. Would that our wings fly us to the far reaches of our depth and the inner reaches of ourselves!

I am grateful for all that we have learned, those whom we have had the opportunity to grow with and love, the struggles and reverence that have availed themselves to us, and the sheer mystery of life, love, people, and God we have come to know. I am looking forward to new growth and remembering that which has formed us to this point. I hope we will continue in understanding and wisdom, though many roadblocks would slow us down. I sincerely believe that we are going toward something great and not away from anything here, so it is a wonderous journey we will have.

What a life, love, and mysterious being!


elizabeth said...

may God bless help and guide! I am busy packing too... love to you!

Xen Xen said...

Thank you immensely!

Anastasia said...

God be with you and your family! May He give you strength, guidance and peace all this period. I have moved many times in my life and know how it feels... Lots of love to you!