Thy Will Be Done

I have tried
So many times before
To pick up the garments
Laid on the floor
They are not mine
And do not fit
I look to find
What never did drop
Eyes fixed beyond
What offers truth
You stand well-nigh
Omnipotent at my side
To catch a glimpse
Up hills, through trees
Your shadow leaves
Me longing to sieze
What lies before
But always within
I am wanting more
Yearning for resolution
Only to acquire
A taste of understanding
So sweet with desire
Laden with bitter delight

The items I chose
To clothe myself in
Not mine, but those
From lives gone by
Who've shed the old man
Put on the new
Each step began
Discerning the path
With growing insight
Into Mysteries aplenty
I have spoken my plight
I can see more clearly

I cannot be
Who You do not consent
Apprehensions flee
As I comprehend
The perfect way
Laid at my feet
I choose this day
To loose my bonds
Take up the cross
That only is mine
There is one loss
That of myself
The one who thought
To dress as they
I have been taught
A different way
To be the one
Whose garments fall
Until I become
Clad in Your Glory

After A Little While Away, Something New

Each and every Great Lent begins differently, a new way to learn lessons, whether they come once again, because we did not listen well the first time, or we simply uncover something seemingly fresh. This year, in true fashion, I have come to see many things in our journey, even thus far. I imagine to myself the culmination of this period during Holy Week and Pascha, when there is usually some sort of revelation, however, I do not hope to expect I will glean anything more than what is now and necessary. I aim to appreciate the pieces I have gathered along the way when I see them and, what is more, be grateful for recognizing things for what they are, regardless of what I expect or want.

It has occurred to me, these past few weeks, that our corporeal life is the Great Lent of our Eternity. Sometimes lenten periods feel long, bogged down, serious struggle with just getting to the feast day of the Resurrection, as our lives also have this tendency to get drawn out and cumbersome, it would seem. Other times, it would appear as if the fasting period has merely begun and we have only gotten to about 5% of all the things we had hoped to accomplish; books that went unread, services unattended, minds a-wandering, thoughts unchaste and selfish, alms not given, people not tended, but the feast of the Resurrection comes, whether you will it or not, just as the impending death of this body will come.

For me, my lenten period has been fruitful in an unusual way, but my life has been gearing toward it for sometime: we are who we are, designed for greatness, each and every one of us, with something to offer, if only we would unearth those gems and polish them up for sharing with one another. I know, it is a rather odd bit, but it is my lesson. We are flawed, but beautiful, in a land of imperfection, but each thing is perfected in God's Truth, Love, and Light. It is hard to imagine a heart breaking with beauty and love, but I think mine has, time and again. I have surrendered myself unto the flow of life, seeing all of my shortcomings with a gentle and obvious magnification, but I am sincerely grateful for the opportunity to correct and make my way straight with the person God has given me to be.

I have found a footing, a strength in imperfection, illness, and pain, that brings peace, love, understanding, and openness that I never have seen. My heart has drawn nigh unto God and I choose to stand with my heart broken open, awaiting what may come. I have been in the depths of struggle and I have been lifted out by grace and patience, clinging to what little I have known of the Triune love that is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I may have simply hit the tip of the proverbial iceberg, but it is more glorious than anything I have ever known. You can now see what I mean when I said earlier that I wonder at what could come of the culmination, or whether I have I already had it, only time will tell. This amazing Christian journey is so full of twists and turns that serve to humble, strengthen, challenge, and protect, it is a wonder many choose otherwise (though I do not pretend to know how anyone else finds peace and encounters God, in their own ways).

I hope this finds you well and that your own rise and fall prove to be as reward as bitter herbs; strong to the taste, but good for the person.

A Little Something

I asked Kat the other evening, forgiveness sunday, to be exact, what great lent means to her. Her response was certainly not what I expected, when she stated, "I am going to try not to be fussy so much....and my favorite part is...PASCHA!!!" She has had very little instructional learning on the subject, yet she completely gets it, as much as an 8 year old kid can, through the living cycle of the Orthodox faith. I adore that she did not mention the foods, or how long, but that her attitude was the focus. She will pay attention to her moods, which will be quite a boon, if she finds a way to meter herself a little better. Being an only child, who is a girl, can be rather difficult, but she is managing well enough.

During this period of the great fast, we will focus our eyes inward, toward the willful person who rears their head when it is easy, or because it can, and the heart will subdue the blatant tendencies of the carelessness we all possess. In every look, breath, and moment, it is hoped that we will see our own plank and stop looking at the speck in our brother's eye. May it be to us for cleansing, growth, and perseverance in all things; God help us in this journey.

May I have strength to be selfish in my criticisms of anything but my own shortcomings, generous in the sharing of what God has given as gifts to us all, peaceful toward everyone I am in contact with, however difficult that may be, but please forgive me if I falter.

"O Lord and Master of my life!
Take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk.
But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant.
Yea, O Lord and King! Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother;
For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen"
Prayer of St. Ephraim

Green Lent

So, I have decided to force feed my family green smoothies every day, for the first week of great lent. I know, I am a horrible mother and wife, ha ha! In actuality, it doesn't take much forcing, considering it is more fruity than green, but it looks bright and terrible when it is all mixed up! Here is what I put in it:

2 banana's (some were frozen)
2-3 hand's full of spinach
1 cup digestive/immunity home 'brew' (cold, kept in fridge, infusion of ginger, chamomile, elderberry, fennel, anise, tarragon, etc.)
~2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed
1-1.5 cups pineapple juice
1/2 cup plain coconut milk kefir (plus a little bit of non-dairy milk, for creaminess today)
1 whole navel orange, peeled and halved

Blend until very smooth. Serve chilled to family and watch it go down!





Such pretty colors! It is like a multi-vitamin in a drink, NOM! Super tastiness, I am telling you, just ask Kat:



I have decided that the first week of great lent is like the breakfast of the fast: the way we begin is the way we will likely continue, our decisions being influenced by the first steps taken, if you will. I figure that by getting into a good habit now, we may start something that sticks around for awhile. Even if not, it is still good for us!