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Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Bit of an Update

Here I am for an update on impending madness! Oh joy! For starters, it is almost september and that means it is crunch time. Katherine's birthday is just under 2 weeks and she had her ears pierced on monday, so time is certainly flying by without much heed for the little people. Things are busy as to be expected from end of summer mayhem, but it is a bit of a beat down with Dormition Fast right now. Every year I try to psych myself up for the fact that it is 'only' 2 weeks, but then I end up a couple days in, up against the wall and feeling rather spent and tossed about. So be it, I know there is a purpose and right now, there is only the rest of today and all of tomorrow before it is finished anyway. We will sing one of THE most moving hymns that goes like this:
O ye apostles, assembled here from the ends
of the earth, bury my body in Gethsemane:
and Thou my Son and God, receive my Spirit.
Just imagine that in those simple and few words, there is a portrayal of sorrow and joy, such bittersweetness and melancholic fluidity, yet still so heartening and restful. Anyway, that is what I will be looking forward to tomorrow evening and saturday morning. :o)

Jay has begun school at half time and we shall see if he can handle the stress and homework, please do keep us in your prayers as we venture further into this semester. Katherine's schooling is the same as per usual, but I am going to try to get some copy work for her together to work on which is found on Paidea Classics home website, for anyone else interested. We shall see how I do. I am going to try to get a 'school basket' together to keep everything somewhat contained.

I have spilled the beans and told Meema that we have been thinking about coming for Thanksgiving and, while travel of any kind during any schooling for Jay is against my better judgement, the woman is 94 and who knows how many opportunities to see her. I say that now, but she has made it this far and is still doing all of her volunteering, gardening, housework, etc...you just never know. I really want to just hole up until spring and hibernate away the chill, frost and snow until reemerging after Nativity, but for Meema, we may have to make an exception.

I really have come to despise food. It is the bane of my existence most days and if I didn't have to eat in order to function and survive, I would give it up altogether. It is a necessary evil, in my lowly opinion, but I trying desperately to be grateful for this struggle because if it weren't this, it would be something else...after all, life is a trade-off! Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, sometimes I wish it away and curse it in my head. Yes, it causes me distress and frustration. But I do suppose that it keeps me aware, constantly and consistently, and it teaches me in a different way to understand how I must be watchful and aware of my spiritual struggles and the good fight. It parallels the basics of physical life with that of the spiritual realm and how things are not so different. I must approach my spiritual growth and health with the sort of dedication and resolve as I do the importance of dietary concern for my family. I am learning that, although the fight is worthy, it is not always easy, nor will it always be the same. Its face will change to conform itself into whatever way that it may better tempt me to destroy my will and understand the gravity and purpose of true humility. I cannot change what we need, I can only control the factors that worsen the problem and stand here vigilant in protection of my family's well-being. It is tiresome, thankless and limiting, but then again, who am I to decide how trial by fire shall present itself to us. Determination, through prayer and perseverance, is the only tried and true way through the fires, so onward we trudge, with me and my feet stuck in the muddy swamps of humanity, tired from its painstaking reality and encouraged by the beauty of grasses and cattails that flourish and attract the life of birds and other creatures as they teach me the simplicities in life that I overlooked in years past.

Today I read this psalm, one of my favorite, and I wanted to share it here:

Psalm 27 (KJV)

1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

3Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

4One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.

5For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

6And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

7Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

8When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

9Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

10When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

11Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

12Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

13I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

14Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

So very appropriate for me in most cases, but I was moved to the verge of tears this morning as I realized how much I needed to hear it as the words and meaning resounded in my ears and then ricocheted into my heart to settle in and feed my soul.

Good day to all, may you be blessed in al your journeys.

1 comments:

Marfa said...

Unlike you, I love food...cashews, dried cherries, black beans, avocados to name a few of my favorites this past fast! We have no dietary issues, though, thank God.
I know Barbara Shukin...do you have any of her books? She has quite a few books for sale on http://paideaclassics.com/ The history we are using is the same...follows the 1st phase of the classical education! I am learning so much along with my girls!!!